7 ways you create unhappiness

Posted by on Mar 7, 2014 in Personal Development | 3 comments

For years I was unhappy with my life. Overall I had a positive attitude but I felt trapped by the circumstances of my life. I tried to look on the bright side but I was still mostly unhappy.

What is happiness? How happy or unhappy I feel is determined by the way I relate to the world. My behavior creates happiness or unhappiness.

What does this mean? It means I choose to be happy or unhappy. It means my enjoyment of life is exactly what I make it.

Many of my behaviors created unhappiness in my life and when I began to change my behavior, I became a lot happier.

Ways you create unhappiness (and how to create happiness in it’s place!)

ways you create unhappinessPhoto by ChancheZ

01. You complain

Let’s face it, sometimes life sucks. I’m not going to tell you life is all sunshine and rainbows and puppies.

But you know what- the more you complain, the bigger those little sucky things become in your life experience. Complaining about what sucks amplifies unhappiness.

How to create happiness

Be grateful! Just like talking about your complaints puts the focus on your negative experiences, gratitude puts the focus on your positive experiences.

02. You don’t take care of yourself

Do you find you’re often running on empty? Do you meet your own needs? Do you skip meals, bottle your emotions, isolate yourself, or have an inconsistent sleep schedule? When you’re consistently hungry, angry, lonely, or tired you’re going to feel unhappy.

How to create happiness

Practice self-care! Take good care of your mental, emotional, and emotional health and you’re setting yourself up for happiness. Do it mindfully every day, not as an afterthought but with loving consideration for your own well-being.

03. You don’t say no

It’s easy to fall into the trap of saying yes. Maybe you feel obligated. Maybe you don’t want to let someone down. Maybe you just want to be helpful. Maybe you’re afraid of negative consequences.

Whatever the reason, saying yes too much is a recipe for unhappiness! You’ll start to feel overwhelmed, resentful, burned out and unhappy!

How to create happiness

Take a moment and check in with yourself before you reply to a request. Ask yourself, “am I truly willing and able to take on this request?” If not, say no.

04. You’re judgmental of others

Critical thinking is a wonderful skill that helps you learn and grow but when that same skill is applied to others you stop using it to better yourself and create unhappiness in your life.

Here’s why- you don’t control others so spending your time and energy judging others is not productive and creates distance, frustration, and resentment in your relationships.

How to create happiness

Put the focus on yourself! Pay attention to your life and how you can learn and grow. Be as awesome as you can be today and let other people be responsible for themselves.

05. You hold grudges

People can be jerks. You’ve been wronged. You’ve been hurt. And you’re not going to forget it or forgive it.

But there’s truth to the saying that resentment is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die- it hurts you more than anyone else.

How to create happiness

Let go of your grudges. Use negative experiences to learn instead of poisoning yourself. Try writing down your feelings and leaving your grudge on the page. You don’t have to carry that around with you all day, do you?

06. You compare yourself to others

Some people just seem to have it all. Or, at least, you want what they have.  You’re not as good as they are. Then there’s the other people that are way below you. You’re so much better than them, and thank goodness.

“Comparison is the thief of joy.” ~Theodore Roosevelt

Only, unfortunately, comparing yourself to others is likely to lead to your unhappiness. It isolates you from others and puts you in that judgmental mindset I mentioned before. It’s no good for your happiness.

How to create happiness

Embrace yourself! Stop comparing yourself to others and celebrate the awesome person you are. Don’t worry about other people, be the best you can be.

07. You don’t love yourself

How can you be happy when you don’t believe you deserve good things? The answer is you can’t.

How to create happiness

Love yourself! Know you are awesome with amazing skills and talents to share with the world. Believe you deserve good things. Believe in yourself. Love yourself. You’re so beautiful.



  1. Hey Chrysta,

    These points are so true. Happiness is a choice and we sabotage ourselves in so many ways by making the choice to be unhappy.

    Complaining, not taking care of ourselves, judging others and holding grudges are so self-destructive. I’ve tried really hard to overcome all those things. Not saying ‘No’ is a big one for me but I’m getting better and I like your idea of just taking a minute to evaluate things and not simply jump to making a quick decision that you’re eventually sorry for. Good tip :-)

    Thanks Chrysta.

  2. Great points, Chrysta :)

    I think I am doing great (in overall). I still need to take care of a few points, like being more grateful for the things I have (Like I have mentioned earlier, I am grateful..but every time I think about it, I end up thinking how much I have and how much others don’t – I am fortunate to have all I have, but what about others? Why are they suffering? Hopefully, I will be able to do something about that in the coming years :D).

    I do compare, but only to my past self…compare and see if I have made improvements. If I have not, I will try again with a better strategy. If I have, great…I will keep making changes 😀

    Anyways, thank you for the wonderful post!

  3. Thought-provoking list, Chrysta. Seems like I’m most guilty of #3 and #6. Both are definitely areas I’m working on improving! :) I just discovered your site and look forward to following along with your posts. Happy Monday!

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