Personal Development

Be true to you

Posted by on May 16, 2017 in Personal Development | 0 comments

I went to a writing retreat in Hawaii and had a terrible time.

My experience was terrible because I wanted a different experience than the one I had. I thought I SHOULD have a different experience.

I had a terrible time because I didn’t allow myself to be true to my actual experience. I didn’t allow myself to be true to myself.

Hawaii isn’t my idea of paradise. I prefer the mountains to the beach, boots to sandals, and cold to hot. Despite my preference for pine trees to palm trees, I went to Hawaii ready for an amazing, life-changing experience! I was ready for expansion. This retreat was going to be the next step in my evolution. Bring it on.

Only it was the wrong place, the wrong time, and, well, the wrong just about everything.

There I was at a resort on the north shore of O’ahu, surrounded by amazing people I admire, all opening ourselves up to write our books, and all I could think was, “GET ME OUT OF HERE!” And the very next thought was, “what is wrong with me?”

It wasn’t just being in Hawaii that pushed me out of my comfort zone. For the first time in my life I stayed at a fancy resort. I’ve never stayed at a resort before. I grew up in poverty.

But let me be real for a moment- my discomfort was not really with staying at a resort. I was uncomfortable because for years I’ve practically prided myself on being a “have not”. I survived for years with the understanding that there were certain things I didn’t get to have, and traveling to Hawaii and staying at a 4-star resort is certainly something I believed I did not get to have.

I wasn’t ready for this experience, but I told myself that didn’t matter. I SHOULD be enjoying myself more. And all that is before the writing retreat officially began.

I’ve always been a writer. When I was 7 or 8 years old I began writing poetry and short stories. I started blogging 8 years ago. I love writing. It comes naturally to me. I didn’t think writing a book would be easy but somehow I thought it would be easier for me.

The writing method and process we were taught at the retreat turned out to be ineffective for me. When I asked questions about the method and process, my questions were dismissed. “Just keep writing,” I was told, “That’s a left-brained question- don’t overthink it.”

As an expert overthinker my initial reaction to this advice was, “there I go again,” and I accepted what I was told and kept writing. And kept writing and kept writing. I kept writing through the disappointment, frustration, and tears. I felt ashamed that I was struggling. I didn’t stop to ask myself why it was difficult. I SHOULD be able to write by this or any process, right?

Then I realized- this process was not working. It was not going to work for me and that’s perfectly okay.

As soon as I gave myself permission to feel what I was feeling, I started having a lot more fun, even though my circumstances were not ideal. Finally, I allowed myself to be true to myself.

Hawaii is not my idea of paradise. I’m not ready for resort living. I depend on my left brain to balance and ground my writing. So why did I judge myself for being who I am? Why did I deny my actual experience by telling myself what kind of experience I SHOULD have?

I learned a lesson I’ve learned many times before. The most important thing I can do in this word is be true to myself. I’m happier when I am true to myself. My success is bigger when I am true to myself. My experience is not going to match everyone else’s, and that’s okay.

Doesn’t it work that way for you, too? How can you be true to yourself?

Take a moment to think about where in your life you are SHOULDing  yourself. Where are you not allowing yourself to be true to you? What would you do differently today if you were true to you?

be true to yourself quote

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How to believe in yourself when life gets hard

Posted by on May 2, 2017 in Achieving Goals, Personal Development, Professional Development | 0 comments

It’s easy to believe in yourself when things are going well. When you’ve just been hired in an exciting new job, when you sign your first client, when you start a new relationship. Everything seems possible. The world is open to you and good things are happening.

But what about those times when things aren’t going well? When you’ve been unemployed for months and your savings is running low, when you have zero clients and the mortgage is due, when you just ended a relationship that you thought was the one. In times like these it’s harder to believe in what is possible. It’s harder to trust. It’s harder to believe in yourself.

The best lesson I’ve learned since launching my business full-time is to always believe in myself. To remember than no matter what is happening in life, the world is open to me and good things will happen. To stay on track, on task, and to keep putting one foot in front of the other.

The problem is when life gets hard, the temptation is to shut down. To isolate. To withdraw. It seems like the sensible thing to do. But it’s not really sensible at all.

It happens to me. I get discouraged when things aren’t going well and I am tempted to limit myself. I am tempted to limit my activities, my spending, my choices. But when I limit myself, I limit my ability to believe in myself. I limit my ability to create something better.

Believing in myself is not something I do alone. I surround myself with colleagues, mentors, and coaches- people who believe in what’s possible for me. People who provide accountability, strategy, and see the greatness in me.

I spent years of my life in poverty and plenty of people didn’t believe in me. And that’s why people who are impoverished tend to stay that way. They are not only struggling to survive the day-to-day, they have no one to believe in them.

Against all odds, I believed in myself, even as a young girl. I believed I was meant for something better and I was determined to create a better life for myself.

That determination served me well, helping me build a successful life, career, and business despite many challenges and setbacks. My success didn’t come from my effort alone. I studied with great masters, even when it was only through books. I took advantage of every opportunity to learn, to grow, to take classes, to be mentored, to be supported. When I started my business, I hired a coach to support my business growth.

That’s the secret to believing in yourself- you don’t do it alone. 

In my work as a Career Coach I talk to people who need support- people who want support- and they don’t accept it. They have a million reasons to keep on as they are. They are overwhelmed or nervous or uncertain. They tell themselves they need to “figure it out”. They tell themselves they can do it alone. They tell themselves they have to wait until one thing or another falls into place before they can accept help. They’ll get help when…..

If you’re struggling to believe in yourself, find someone to believe in you. Seek out support and risk something to get it. Risk your time or your money or your fear of failure. Believe in yourself at least enough to be supported.

You’ve got a lot of potential. You are going to do amazing things. The world is waiting for you.

I believe in you. Do you believe in yourself? Schedule your complimentary Love Your Career coaching call.

believe in yourself

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Why it’s better to receive than to give

Posted by on Apr 18, 2017 in Personal Development, Professional Development | 0 comments

My biggest lesson this past year has been learning it is better to receive than give. This is the lesson that has contributed the most to my business success.

Yeah, you read that right, I said it is better to RECEIVE than GIVE.

I was raised to believe the opposite is true- that is better to give than receive. And am I ever a giver. I give and give and give. I give to everyone and everything. If I have anything leftover, I’ll give a little to myself, too. But therein lies one of my problems, you see, I was giving to myself last.

Putting myself last meant I had poor work-life balance. My health suffered. I was burned out at work.  And, this giving behavior was limiting my potential. I recently realized I need to be a lot more selfish if I’m going to achieve my BIG DREAMS.

I was so busy giving, I never really learned to receive. In fact, I suck at receiving.

I deflect compliments. On the rare occasion I accept a compliment, I will immediately return your compliment with gratitude so I don’t really have to let it in. Or maybe sometimes I’ll allow your appreciation in if I know really, really earned it.

I’m uncomfortable being the center of attention. I am a better hostess than guest.

I will go above and beyond for you, but I don’t really need much help, thanks. I only want what’s fair, and maybe then I’ll still feel a little guilty for whatever I get.

My worth is valued by how much I give. I can only receive as part of an exchange and you’ll probably get more than you give with me.

You see what I mean. I suck at receiving.

What does it mean to receive?

verb | re·ceive |\ri-ˈsēv\

1:  to come into possession of

2
:  to act as a receptacle or container for

3
a :  to permit to enter :  admit
b :  welcome, greet
c :  to react to in a specified manner

4
:  to accept as authoritative, true, or accurate :  believe

5
a :  to support the weight or pressure of :  bear
b :  to take (a mark or impression ) from the weight of something

In order to receive, I have to come into possession of your appreciation. Worse yet, I have to act as a receptacle or container for you admiration. I have to admit and welcome your praise. I have to believe your compliments and accept them as truth. I have to support the weight of your gratitude.

Why is receiving such an important skill?

Because to be successful in life we have to receive.

We have to be comfortable receiving appreciation from our clients and colleagues. We have to believe it’s true. We have to allow other people’s admiration bolster us- to embolden us!

We have to receive so we can move forward even when we’re scared. So we feel encouraged to take the next big leap. So we can stretch the limits of our comfort zone and grow into our full potential.

Are you living up to your potential? How are you at receiving? What could you accomplish if you were better at receiving?

Learning how to receive

I’ve been learning to receive through the Art of Feminine Presence® body of work. If you’re ready to receive inspiration, impact, and income, I’m starting a series of Art of Feminine Presence® classes in Fort Collins in May. Join me for the introductory class.

In the pursuit of a career, or having to take care of so many people around them, many women have disconnected from their feminine essence and their personal presence without realizing it. This affects everything. From fulfillment in our work, the state of our health, and to the unfortunate situation of women competing against women everywhere.

This class is for empowered women who:

  • Want to show up in a bigger way
  • Are afraid of putting themselves out there, even though they know they want more from life
  • Are wanting to increase their income through their business or career
  • Want to stop people from draining their energy

In this class you’ll learn:

  • A simple practice to instantly gain respect and recognition from colleagues and clients
  • How to make a great impression in new situations like networking groups, interviews, and sales conversations
  • Learn to follow your “higher guidance” rather than push to make things happen.

Claim your spot today!

receiving beauty power strength

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When not to follow your dreams

Posted by on Feb 21, 2017 in Achieving Goals, Career Management, Personal Development | 0 comments

I’m not your hope dealer.

One of my biggest pet peeves in the personal development world is inspirational leaders selling people on the idea of following their dreams… and then leaving those people hanging without the skills or tools to follow through.

It’s not enough to want it.

It’s not enough to be amazing at your work.

It’s not enough to show up.

Following your dreams takes clarity, confidence, courage, and commitment! Are you ready to take the leap? Here’s some questions to ask yourself to decide.

don't follow your dreams

When not to follow your dreams

…when  you’re bored

Boredom may be a sign that you’re meant for greater things but don’t up and quit your job just because you’re bored.

Instead, explore why you are bored. Do you need more challenge? Do you need more autonomy? Do you need more variety? Answer these questions before you jump.

…when you’re burned out

Burnout happens for a variety of reasons, from working for an overbearing boss to a mismatch in work values.

What are the reasons you’re burned out? Are you clear on  your work values? What are your workplace preferences? Here’s an assessment that will provide clarity!

…when you’re overworked

Being overworked is about how you work, not where you work or what you do. At least, most of the time anyway.

Can you maximize your productivity? Are you good at staying organized? Are you a pushover? Do you set appropriate boundaries at work? Work on building these skills to enjoy work more- whatever work you do.

…when you’re underpaid

When asked for their salary requirements, most people low-ball their desired salary and, guess what, they get what they asked for. When it comes time for their annual performance review, most people cross their fingers and hope for a raise. Changing jobs won’t necessarily get you the pay you want.

Whatever your job- working for someone else or working for yourself- you have to know your value and ask for what you’re worth! Trust me, this is a skill worth mastering and it will pay off the rest of your life. Work with me to get a raise!

…when you don’t have a plan

Are you good at figuring things out? Good for you! But are you really prepared to follow your dreams?

What’s the first step? And the next? And the next? Who will support you? How will you set yourself up for success? What will you when you get stuck?

You may need to hire a coach to get started.

…when you think you should be able to do it alone

You’re smart. You’re resourceful. You’re educated. You SHOULD be able to do this, but what if you can’t? What if- gasp!- you’re like 100% of the rest of the world and you need support, encouragement, accountability, strategy, and help?

Don’t be afraid to take classes, join a mastermind group, find a mentor, or hire a coach.

Are you ready to follow your dreams? Go ahead and jump!

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Setting goals for the new year!

Posted by on Dec 20, 2016 in Achieving Goals, Personal Development, Professional Development | 0 comments

As we approach the end of the year many people start thinking about their goals for the new year. I’m thinking about mine and, let me tell you, I have big plans for 2017, including polishing my TEDx talk, growing my business, and writing a book! Whew!

What about you? Did you accomplish what you wanted in 2016? What do you want to be different next year? What do you want to do in 2017?

If you need some help setting your goals for the new year, I’ve got some great resources for you!

6 Tips for setting and achieving your goals for 2017!

01. Set goals that matter

Set goals based on what you want to create, not what you want to get. Let me explain… Let’s say you want a new job in 2017. Why do you want a new job? What does that mean for you? Maybe your motivation is to enjoy a more flexible work schedule, or to make more money, or do work you love. Knowing why your goal matters to you can help you stay on track and even help you find alternate paths to create the life you really want.

02. Identify your one-word goal

Come up with one word that signifies the life you want to create in the new year. Let that one word guide your goals, your choices, and your actions throughout the year.

03. Avoid goal-setting mistakes

Avoid these 5 goal setting mistakes, such as setting goals motivated by shame, comparison, a false sense of happiness, basing your goals on your dreams, and being too results-focused.

04. Create a vision board to guide you

Vision boards are a great way to focus and motivate yourself throughout the  year! A vision board is a visual representation of the goals you’re working to achieve. Looking at your vision board every day can keep you on track and inspired every day!

05. Say no to requests that are not aligned with your goals

When you say yes to one thing, you say no to something else- usually yourself! This year, consider yourself first! Say no to requests and opportunities that will take you away from your goals instead of towards your goals.

6. Get help setting and achieving your goals!

If you’re not where you want to be in your career, get unstuck and uncover your next career move. Download the worksheet to get clarity, focus, and direction on your career goals for 2017!

get-unstuck

Click here to get the worksheet!

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Healing from the election

Posted by on Nov 22, 2016 in Personal Development | 0 comments

There has been significant confusion, suffering, and pain since the 2016 Presidential election. Every day people vilify, rage, and criticize elected leaders, media, political and social organizations, and even each other.

I understand the pain many are feeling, but here’s the thing- I have a life to live and I have important work to do, despite the election results and what’s happening in our country.

It’s hard to get up every morning and go about the business of the day carrying the weight of the election on my head, heart, and soul.

The work that many people are doing related to politics is important, too, but what’s not important is projecting fear, insecurity, and hate, even if those are the very emotions you are feeling.

If you’re like me your important work is not directly related to politics. And before you can do your important work you need to find a way to heal from the election.

healing-from-the-election

How to heal from the election

Suspend the snark

Looking at my social media feeds, over 90% of what I see posted is not intelligent political discourse, but rather sarcastic, snarky, and seething commentary on politics. Did you know the origin of the word, “sarcasm” means to “tear flesh”? Ouch.

The momentary sense of satisfaction you get from posting snarky memes is quickly replaced by anger, despair, and hopelessness. Stop sharing sarcasm and snark.

Create a container

Your feelings are important and it’s just as important to create a safe container for your feelings. Emotions can be overwhelming if we let them overrun our experience. Those same emotions are damaging if we project them outward on the people closest to us.

Write about your thoughts and feelings in your journal, or share them in conversation with a trusted mentor or friend. Create a safe container to express and hold space for your feelings.

Be the boss of you

Over the last several weeks I’ve seen a lot of people telling other people how to behave and feel. Putting yourself in charge of other people’s actions and emotions is a great way to distance yourself from others and feel really miserable about it.

Be the boss of you. Work on managing yourself and your feelings. Put on your oxygen mask. Take care of your emotional well-being. Be a leader and example for those same people you just can’t change.

Practice self-care

Pay attention to your mental, emotional, and physical health. Take good care of you first and foremost.

Self-care includes getting a good night’s sleep, eating nutritious and healthy food, and some form of physical activity.

Nurture your relationships

We are social creatures, designed to live and work together. Now is the time to nurture our relationships and strengthen our connections.

Invite a co-worker to lunch or connect with a friend you haven’t seen in a while. Call your mom, just to say hello.

Be kind

Treating others with kindness will naturally improve your relationships, your outlook, and your mood. Besides, we can accomplish so much more together than alone.

Practicing kindness is a great start.

Accept before you act

Anytime you’re faced with a problem it’s important to accept before you act. Acceptance doesn’t equal approval but rather understanding. Do you fully understand the problem? If not, ask yourself, “what happened? Why? What can I learn from this?”

When you accept before you act, your actions are more thoughtful and intentional, and often yield better results.

Do something important

The best way to counter feelings of hopelessness is to take action. Instead of focusing on the problem, take a small step to create change.

Do something productive. Do something meaningful. Do something important that will get you one step closer to a personal, professional, or political goal.

If you’re going to share something about politics on social media, why not share this post? Begin to heal and encourage others to do the same. Do what you need to do and do it in a way that inspires, uplifts, and creates positive change.

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