Posts by Chrysta Bairre

Be true to you

Posted by on May 16, 2017 in Personal Development | 0 comments

I went to a writing retreat in Hawaii and had a terrible time.

My experience was terrible because I wanted a different experience than the one I had. I thought I SHOULD have a different experience.

I had a terrible time because I didn’t allow myself to be true to my actual experience. I didn’t allow myself to be true to myself.

Hawaii isn’t my idea of paradise. I prefer the mountains to the beach, boots to sandals, and cold to hot. Despite my preference for pine trees to palm trees, I went to Hawaii ready for an amazing, life-changing experience! I was ready for expansion. This retreat was going to be the next step in my evolution. Bring it on.

Only it was the wrong place, the wrong time, and, well, the wrong just about everything.

There I was at a resort on the north shore of O’ahu, surrounded by amazing people I admire, all opening ourselves up to write our books, and all I could think was, “GET ME OUT OF HERE!” And the very next thought was, “what is wrong with me?”

It wasn’t just being in Hawaii that pushed me out of my comfort zone. For the first time in my life I stayed at a fancy resort. I’ve never stayed at a resort before. I grew up in poverty.

But let me be real for a moment- my discomfort was not really with staying at a resort. I was uncomfortable because for years I’ve practically prided myself on being a “have not”. I survived for years with the understanding that there were certain things I didn’t get to have, and traveling to Hawaii and staying at a 4-star resort is certainly something I believed I did not get to have.

I wasn’t ready for this experience, but I told myself that didn’t matter. I SHOULD be enjoying myself more. And all that is before the writing retreat officially began.

I’ve always been a writer. When I was 7 or 8 years old I began writing poetry and short stories. I started blogging 8 years ago. I love writing. It comes naturally to me. I didn’t think writing a book would be easy but somehow I thought it would be easier for me.

The writing method and process we were taught at the retreat turned out to be ineffective for me. When I asked questions about the method and process, my questions were dismissed. “Just keep writing,” I was told, “That’s a left-brained question- don’t overthink it.”

As an expert overthinker my initial reaction to this advice was, “there I go again,” and I accepted what I was told and kept writing. And kept writing and kept writing. I kept writing through the disappointment, frustration, and tears. I felt ashamed that I was struggling. I didn’t stop to ask myself why it was difficult. I SHOULD be able to write by this or any process, right?

Then I realized- this process was not working. It was not going to work for me and that’s perfectly okay.

As soon as I gave myself permission to feel what I was feeling, I started having a lot more fun, even though my circumstances were not ideal. Finally, I allowed myself to be true to myself.

Hawaii is not my idea of paradise. I’m not ready for resort living. I depend on my left brain to balance and ground my writing. So why did I judge myself for being who I am? Why did I deny my actual experience by telling myself what kind of experience I SHOULD have?

I learned a lesson I’ve learned many times before. The most important thing I can do in this word is be true to myself. I’m happier when I am true to myself. My success is bigger when I am true to myself. My experience is not going to match everyone else’s, and that’s okay.

Doesn’t it work that way for you, too? How can you be true to yourself?

Take a moment to think about where in your life you are SHOULDing  yourself. Where are you not allowing yourself to be true to you? What would you do differently today if you were true to you?

be true to yourself quote

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How to believe in yourself when life gets hard

Posted by on May 2, 2017 in Achieving Goals, Personal Development, Professional Development | 0 comments

It’s easy to believe in yourself when things are going well. When you’ve just been hired in an exciting new job, when you sign your first client, when you start a new relationship. Everything seems possible. The world is open to you and good things are happening.

But what about those times when things aren’t going well? When you’ve been unemployed for months and your savings is running low, when you have zero clients and the mortgage is due, when you just ended a relationship that you thought was the one. In times like these it’s harder to believe in what is possible. It’s harder to trust. It’s harder to believe in yourself.

The best lesson I’ve learned since launching my business full-time is to always believe in myself. To remember than no matter what is happening in life, the world is open to me and good things will happen. To stay on track, on task, and to keep putting one foot in front of the other.

The problem is when life gets hard, the temptation is to shut down. To isolate. To withdraw. It seems like the sensible thing to do. But it’s not really sensible at all.

It happens to me. I get discouraged when things aren’t going well and I am tempted to limit myself. I am tempted to limit my activities, my spending, my choices. But when I limit myself, I limit my ability to believe in myself. I limit my ability to create something better.

Believing in myself is not something I do alone. I surround myself with colleagues, mentors, and coaches- people who believe in what’s possible for me. People who provide accountability, strategy, and see the greatness in me.

I spent years of my life in poverty and plenty of people didn’t believe in me. And that’s why people who are impoverished tend to stay that way. They are not only struggling to survive the day-to-day, they have no one to believe in them.

Against all odds, I believed in myself, even as a young girl. I believed I was meant for something better and I was determined to create a better life for myself.

That determination served me well, helping me build a successful life, career, and business despite many challenges and setbacks. My success didn’t come from my effort alone. I studied with great masters, even when it was only through books. I took advantage of every opportunity to learn, to grow, to take classes, to be mentored, to be supported. When I started my business, I hired a coach to support my business growth.

That’s the secret to believing in yourself- you don’t do it alone. 

In my work as a Career Coach I talk to people who need support- people who want support- and they don’t accept it. They have a million reasons to keep on as they are. They are overwhelmed or nervous or uncertain. They tell themselves they need to “figure it out”. They tell themselves they can do it alone. They tell themselves they have to wait until one thing or another falls into place before they can accept help. They’ll get help when…..

If you’re struggling to believe in yourself, find someone to believe in you. Seek out support and risk something to get it. Risk your time or your money or your fear of failure. Believe in yourself at least enough to be supported.

You’ve got a lot of potential. You are going to do amazing things. The world is waiting for you.

I believe in you. Do you believe in yourself? Schedule your complimentary Love Your Career coaching call.

believe in yourself

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Why it’s better to receive than to give

Posted by on Apr 18, 2017 in Personal Development, Professional Development | 0 comments

My biggest lesson this past year has been learning it is better to receive than give. This is the lesson that has contributed the most to my business success.

Yeah, you read that right, I said it is better to RECEIVE than GIVE.

I was raised to believe the opposite is true- that is better to give than receive. And am I ever a giver. I give and give and give. I give to everyone and everything. If I have anything leftover, I’ll give a little to myself, too. But therein lies one of my problems, you see, I was giving to myself last.

Putting myself last meant I had poor work-life balance. My health suffered. I was burned out at work.  And, this giving behavior was limiting my potential. I recently realized I need to be a lot more selfish if I’m going to achieve my BIG DREAMS.

I was so busy giving, I never really learned to receive. In fact, I suck at receiving.

I deflect compliments. On the rare occasion I accept a compliment, I will immediately return your compliment with gratitude so I don’t really have to let it in. Or maybe sometimes I’ll allow your appreciation in if I know really, really earned it.

I’m uncomfortable being the center of attention. I am a better hostess than guest.

I will go above and beyond for you, but I don’t really need much help, thanks. I only want what’s fair, and maybe then I’ll still feel a little guilty for whatever I get.

My worth is valued by how much I give. I can only receive as part of an exchange and you’ll probably get more than you give with me.

You see what I mean. I suck at receiving.

What does it mean to receive?

verb | re·ceive |\ri-ˈsēv\

1:  to come into possession of

2
:  to act as a receptacle or container for

3
a :  to permit to enter :  admit
b :  welcome, greet
c :  to react to in a specified manner

4
:  to accept as authoritative, true, or accurate :  believe

5
a :  to support the weight or pressure of :  bear
b :  to take (a mark or impression ) from the weight of something

In order to receive, I have to come into possession of your appreciation. Worse yet, I have to act as a receptacle or container for you admiration. I have to admit and welcome your praise. I have to believe your compliments and accept them as truth. I have to support the weight of your gratitude.

Why is receiving such an important skill?

Because to be successful in life we have to receive.

We have to be comfortable receiving appreciation from our clients and colleagues. We have to believe it’s true. We have to allow other people’s admiration bolster us- to embolden us!

We have to receive so we can move forward even when we’re scared. So we feel encouraged to take the next big leap. So we can stretch the limits of our comfort zone and grow into our full potential.

Are you living up to your potential? How are you at receiving? What could you accomplish if you were better at receiving?

Learning how to receive

I’ve been learning to receive through the Art of Feminine Presence® body of work. If you’re ready to receive inspiration, impact, and income, I’m starting a series of Art of Feminine Presence® classes in Fort Collins in May. Join me for the introductory class.

In the pursuit of a career, or having to take care of so many people around them, many women have disconnected from their feminine essence and their personal presence without realizing it. This affects everything. From fulfillment in our work, the state of our health, and to the unfortunate situation of women competing against women everywhere.

This class is for empowered women who:

  • Want to show up in a bigger way
  • Are afraid of putting themselves out there, even though they know they want more from life
  • Are wanting to increase their income through their business or career
  • Want to stop people from draining their energy

In this class you’ll learn:

  • A simple practice to instantly gain respect and recognition from colleagues and clients
  • How to make a great impression in new situations like networking groups, interviews, and sales conversations
  • Learn to follow your “higher guidance” rather than push to make things happen.

Claim your spot today!

receiving beauty power strength

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How to reach your BIG DREAMS

Posted by on Apr 4, 2017 in Achieving Goals | 0 comments

I’m going to tell you something you probably haven’t heard before. What I’m going to tell you will probably go against everything you were taught watching Sesame Street so I’ll ask you, do you really want to be successful in your work and your life? You’re going to have to really want it to do what I’m about to suggest.

To be successful in life you need to be selfish.

I want you to be more selfish. More selfish than you’re probably comfortable with. I hope you’ll stick with me so I can explain what I mean….

reach your dreams

I have BIG DREAMS! I have big goals and big plans and I’m going to achieve them. To be successful I need to be more selfish. I need to spend time, money, and energy pursuing my BIG DREAMS. I need to be more selfish! Not at the expense of others, of course, but maybe at the expense of politeness. At the expense of niceness. At the expense of putting other people’s hopes and dreams before my own.

Let’s talk about the oxygen mask analogy. During the safety demonstration on an airplane we are advised in case of emergency to put our own oxygen mask on before assisting others.

It’s a good analogy but here’s how it’s failing you- you can’t achieve your BIG DREAMS by putting on your oxygen mask first. Think about it, putting on your own oxygen mask is what you need to do in case of emergency. It’s a method of survival.

Let me ask you, are you surviving or are you thriving? When it’s not an emergency are you assisting others before taking action on your hopes and dreams? You have to do more than just put on  your oxygen mask- you have to be more selfish.

Do you have BIG DREAMS? Maybe you’re content to reach just a little higher but you’re more-or-less happy with the life you have. Good for you! If you don’t have BIG DREAMS you might just be able to get by putting other people first.

If, however, you do have BIG DREAMS, well, it’s about time you started putting yourself first. I’ll say it again, you need to be more selfish.

Let me give you some examples of what selfishness can look like.

Say no

People will make lots of requests and many of them will even be reasonable requests but to be successful you’ll have to say no to requests that aren’t aligned with your goals.

Think of it this way, unless you have unlimited resources, every time you say yes to one thing, you’re saying no to something else. You agree to help your friend move, but that means you can’t work on writing your memoir this weekend. You agree to bake cookies for parent-teacher night, but that means you won’t have time to work on the business plan for your dream business this week.

Again and again, your BIG DREAMS are put off in favor of doing favors for just about everyone but you.

Ask for what you want

Most people are too busy being concerned about their own life to be concerned with yours. They don’t know what you want and even when they do, they aren’t going to give it to you unless you ask. You have to ask for what you want.

You want a raise? Ask for it. You want that client to work with you? Ask for it. You want to be considered for that big project? Ask for it. You want your spouse to support you while you pursue your dream? Ask for it. Want your kids to give you an hour quiet time every night while you work on your side business? Ask for it.

You’ve got to get comfortable asking for what you want to reach your BIG DREAMS.

Be unreachable

If you’re going to work on your BIG DREAMS you need to schedule time for it. Block out time on  your calendar to pursue your dreams and be unreachable during those times.

Turn off your phone. Close the Facebook tab in your browser. Go into a quiet room and close the door.

It’s going to be difficult. A friend will invite you for dinner. Your kids will want your attention. Your boss will ask you to work late. You’ll be tempted to give in. What will happen if you don’t give in? Absolutely nothing.

Whatever or whoever is clamoring for your attention can wait. Can you wait for your dreams?

Spend money you don’t have

To reach your BIG DREAMS chances are you’ll have to invest a little money. Money that you surely think you “don’t have”. When push comes to shove, you’ll use money as your go-to excuse to push your dreams aside.

Think about skipping the fancy dinner and drinks with friends, forego buying birthday presents for a year, stop loaning money to your deadbeat uncle, or otherwise find money to finance your dream. You can probably come up with money you’ll tell yourself you “don’t have”. Selfishly spend on your BIG DREAM first.

These are just a few examples of how you can embrace the idea of being selfish to be successful in work and life. Your BIG DREAMS are calling, are you going to keep putting your dreams on hold? Are you willing to be a little selfish to achieve great things?

Leave a comment below and tell me how you’re going to be more selfish to reach your dreams.

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When not to follow your dreams

Posted by on Feb 21, 2017 in Achieving Goals, Career Management, Personal Development | 0 comments

I’m not your hope dealer.

One of my biggest pet peeves in the personal development world is inspirational leaders selling people on the idea of following their dreams… and then leaving those people hanging without the skills or tools to follow through.

It’s not enough to want it.

It’s not enough to be amazing at your work.

It’s not enough to show up.

Following your dreams takes clarity, confidence, courage, and commitment! Are you ready to take the leap? Here’s some questions to ask yourself to decide.

don't follow your dreams

When not to follow your dreams

…when  you’re bored

Boredom may be a sign that you’re meant for greater things but don’t up and quit your job just because you’re bored.

Instead, explore why you are bored. Do you need more challenge? Do you need more autonomy? Do you need more variety? Answer these questions before you jump.

…when you’re burned out

Burnout happens for a variety of reasons, from working for an overbearing boss to a mismatch in work values.

What are the reasons you’re burned out? Are you clear on  your work values? What are your workplace preferences? Here’s an assessment that will provide clarity!

…when you’re overworked

Being overworked is about how you work, not where you work or what you do. At least, most of the time anyway.

Can you maximize your productivity? Are you good at staying organized? Are you a pushover? Do you set appropriate boundaries at work? Work on building these skills to enjoy work more- whatever work you do.

…when you’re underpaid

When asked for their salary requirements, most people low-ball their desired salary and, guess what, they get what they asked for. When it comes time for their annual performance review, most people cross their fingers and hope for a raise. Changing jobs won’t necessarily get you the pay you want.

Whatever your job- working for someone else or working for yourself- you have to know your value and ask for what you’re worth! Trust me, this is a skill worth mastering and it will pay off the rest of your life. Work with me to get a raise!

…when you don’t have a plan

Are you good at figuring things out? Good for you! But are you really prepared to follow your dreams?

What’s the first step? And the next? And the next? Who will support you? How will you set yourself up for success? What will you when you get stuck?

You may need to hire a coach to get started.

…when you think you should be able to do it alone

You’re smart. You’re resourceful. You’re educated. You SHOULD be able to do this, but what if you can’t? What if- gasp!- you’re like 100% of the rest of the world and you need support, encouragement, accountability, strategy, and help?

Don’t be afraid to take classes, join a mastermind group, find a mentor, or hire a coach.

Are you ready to follow your dreams? Go ahead and jump!

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