Have you ever known a drama queen? Someone that takes things personally, gets overly emotional, and insists everyone hear about it? Someone that creates drama by placing their concerns above everyone else’s.
I have worked with several drama queens- male and female. Not only is their behavior obnoxious, it’s distracting and destructive. It can poison relationships I have with the people they complain about. It encourages me to focus on the negative instead of the positive. Listening to their rants takes time away from the work in front of me. Morale dips as everyone deals with their negative energy.
I have recently been dealing with such a drama queen. Every time time this person came around I found myself getting caught up in the drama and the more I focused on the drama, the less I was being my most awesome self. I needed a strategy for dealing with this drama queen! Here’s what I came up with and I’d love to hear your ideas.
Photo by Chris Blakeley
Drama queens are fueled by roping others into their drama- don’t pick up the rope!
The drama queen I worked would rope me in by expressing concern and asking my opinion to engage me in a conversation. Before I knew it I was playing a supporting role in their drama.
Instead of engaging I can change my responses. For example, I can say, “Perhaps you should talk to him about this directly”, or, “that sounds like a difficult situation- good luck working it out.” By keeping my opinion out of it, I may be able to avoid participating in the drama.
You don’t have to attend every drama you’re invited to.
The last interaction I had with a drama queen wasted over 20 minutes of my time- time I could have spent being productive and getting work done. At the end of the workday I was behind and I realized I allowed it to happen by interacting with a drama queen just because they came into my office and sat down in front of me.
I can limit my interaction with drama queens with honesty by being true to myself. Next time they plop down in my office I can say, “I’m sorry, I don’t have time to chat today; I have a lot of work to do.”
Drama queens have a skewed perception of life- don’t let their reality alter your own.
I know a drama queen that’s a master manipulator, though I doubt they realize this about themselves. In the beginning of my relationship with them, I bought into their perception and it changed how I viewed certain people and situations at work. The manipulation was so subtle and it was easy to believe what they said was true. Once I caught on to this behavior it was shocking to see not only how I had bought in, but how they altered the perceptions of other employees.
Lesson learned: don’t believe everything a drama queen tells you. I will look for evidence that what they say is true or untrue and make up my own mind.
Drama queens appoint themselves as supreme judge over the entire world! Don’t judge and you’re not adding to the drama.
Once I realized what the drama queen was up to, I found myself wrapped up in my judgement about them. I was so focused on the drama queens behavior that I wasn’t focusing my energy on areas that would benefit me. Yes, their behavior was bad but as long as I allowed myself to be distracted by judgement my behavior wasn’t much better.
The problem with judging others is it puts me in a negative state of mind and keeps me from doing something positive- no more! I have little to gain by judging others and too much awesomeness to lose.
Drama queens want all eyes on them. Instead of focusing on them, focus on you and be as awesome as you can be!
I have given too much of my time and energy to drama queens. I’ve got better things to do. Every time I get caught up in someone else’s drama, I do less of what makes me awesome. Fortunately the reverse is also true. By doing more of what makes me awesome I am far less likely to get caught up in the drama queen’s drama.
All I have to do is be awesome!
Hey there! Did you know you’re awesome? It’s true! We’re all awesome (yes, even that jerk that cut you off in traffic). You’re awesome just for reading this blog today. True story.
Though it’s also true that awesomeness comes easier to some. Too often we squash our own awesomeness with preconceived notions, unrealistic life expectations, shoulding ourselves, and all that other crap we put on ourselves.
But enough about that crap! Let’s focus on ways to shed yourself of it and, as a result, be more awesome! Since my 39th birthday is on Monday, here’s 39 ways to be awesome! Woo!
03. Be curious
04. Be inspired
05. Be influential
06. Have fun in all you do!
07. Be excited (and show it!)
08. Be passionate
09. Get shit done!
10. Learn something new
11. Share knowledge
12. Be kind to everyone you meet
14. Be honest
15. Take responsibility for your thoughts, feelings, and actions
16. Say you’re sorry and do it differently next time
17. Say thank you
18. Be helpful
19. Be spontaneous
20. Say what you mean
21. Do what you say
Image via moonlightbulb
22. Expect less and appreciate more
23. Be patient
24. Give before you get
25. Want what you’ve got
26. Delete one item from your to-do list that doesn’t really need to be done
27. Celebrate your accomplishments
28. Praise others
29. Be confident
31. Don’t take life too seriously
32. Be yourself!
33. Accept differences in others and appreciate them for it
34. Say no
36. Make the best of today
37. Accept life on life’s terms
38. Love life
39. Go forth and be awesome!
Raise your hand if you’ve had to work with someone you dislike. Your hand is up, right? We’ve all been there- chances are we’ve all suffered through a particularly unpleasant experience working with someone we dislike.
Today I talked to a co-worker who was feeling particularly frustrated with another co-worker. His frustration has grown until it was making him unhappy at work and home.
When your dislike of another person is causing YOU unhappiness, well, that’s a problem! You’re not going to put up with that, are you?
I shared some ideas with my co-worker about how to overcome his unhappiness. Since our conversation I thought back on my past experiences working with someone I didn’t like, and I’ve had plenty of them.
Not letting my feelings get the best of me wasn’t always easy. Whatever the reason for disliking someone I was working with, it was important to me to find a way to be productive and happy in my work- regardless of my feelings about another person.
I’ve successfully used these tips to shift my focus and adjust my attitude so I can enjoy every bit of happiness I can muster up. Life’s too short to be unhappy any more than absolutely necessary!
Too touchy-feeling for you? Stay with me for just a moment while I explain what I mean. When I am frustrated, annoyed, I feel unhappy. I can’t feel annoyed and happy at the same time. However, when I feel loving I feel great, I feel happy, I feel awesome!
If the idea of love still bothers you then you can use joyful- you get the idea.
Approach everyone you meet, including the person you don’t like, with an attitude of love. Ask yourself, “how can I be loving/joyful to this person today?” Are your thoughts, words, and actions loving/joyful? You’ll be happier for it!
There’s something good in every one. Yep, it’s true. It may not feel true to you right now but I promise you it IS true.
Think about the person’s good qualities and you can take it a step further and compliment them! It will absolutely change how you interact with them and how they interact with you. Everyone is easier to get along with immediately after you’ve given them a genuine compliment. Try it, it works!
Ask a mutual friend or acquaintance what they like about this person. Start a conversation about his or her best skills. Give them a positive recommendation or reference.
The key here is to stop complaining about them and start cheering them on. The more you complain, the more aware you become of your complaints, legitimate as they might be. On the other hand, the more you cheer, the more you appreciate others (and the more they appreciate you!)
Besides, there’s always a chance you might help them get promoted or moved to another area where you won’t have to work with them. Ha!
And for the sake of your own reputation, do not gossip about this person. You’re too awesome for that.
Instead of focusing on what you don’t like about someone, focus on a shared goal. Make progress on your shared goal. Celebrate your progress together! Enjoy your shared accomplishments!
Congratulations, you did it together. Nicely done.
There’s only one way to be your best- do your best and forget the rest! What does your awesomeness have to do with your obnoxious co-worker? Exactly nothing!
You can’t be at your best when you’re preoccupied with someone else’s behavior. Redirect your attention from other people to you and be as awesome as you can be.